


Keepin' It Weird

by i_have_an_au_fetish (luciferslegions)



Series: "Thor on Midgard" (or whatever-the-shit use your imagination) [1]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Earth, Cats, Community: norsekink, Explicit Language, F/M, Movie and Pop Culture Reference Abuse, Randomness, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-01-24
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2017-10-30 02:01:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/326532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luciferslegions/pseuds/i_have_an_au_fetish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on norsekink prompt: Thor doesn't get sent to New Mexico when his dad banhammers him to Midgard--instead, he gets sent to where you live. Ireland? Hong Kong? Argentina?  Basically: what kind of shenanigans would Thor get up to in your hometown?</p>
<p>VEEEEEEEERY SLOOOOOOW UPDAAAAAAATES</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wednesday Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thor's in Austin, Texas. Our slogan is "Keep Austin Weird." And we do a pretty damn good job.
> 
> It is sooooooo fucking weird referring to myself in third person. I can’t write in first person, I just can’t do it. 
> 
> So we live at the end of a cul-de-sac and there’s a hugeass field next to our house that’s owned by this dude who lives on a ranch and there’s animals and shit in there. 
> 
> And we have a couple stray cats, who I highly doubt are actually strays because they’re so fucking fat, that we feed and leave blankets for on our porch.

The sound of scratching on the door’s surface signified that it was time to wake up. The girl sat up slowly and blew her bangs out of her eyes; she kept reminding herself that she needed to get them cut. She glanced at the clock next to her bed, which for whatever reason no longer had a functioning radio and only played static. With a snarl, she got out of bed and loudly yanked the door open, narrowing her gray eyes at the source of the noise.

“Damn it, Jewels! If it wasn’t for that Ugly post, I’d be beating the shit out of you right now!” All she got in response from the pale orange cat was a meow and a rub against both legs. “Yes, yes. Rub your glands all over me. Make my morning. Come on, Princess.”

After opening the front door, Jewels ran outside and sat on the porch, looking out towards the field. She never understood why he did that, of course he was a weirdo. She put on the flip flops by the door before walking around to the back of the house. She unraveled the hose and turned it on to fill the two plastic buckets on the other side of the barbed wire fence so the deer, rabbits, foxes, turkeys, coyotes, cats, birds, and whatever other creatures could have fresh water. 

She then wrapped the hose again and wiped her hands to get the grass and dirt off of them. When she got back to the front porch, she nearly collided with the paper dude. She gestured a “thank you” to him as he was sprinting back to his noisy pick-up and then he drove around to toss the papers to the houses across the street. 

She always thought he was kind of attractive, but he was married. She learned this when she tipped him Christmas morning a couple years ago and saw his wedding band. That was the reason he was bringing the newspaper up to their porch instead of just tossing it into their yard.

“Jewels, you want back in?” The cat was hunched over and licking at his lower stomach. “Oh come on! There’s a lady present!”

After going back in the house, she put the newspaper on the counter so her mom would be able to find it. She then went into the kitchen and around the bar where a laundry detergent container full of cat food was. She opened it and scooped some into a bowl before opening the back door. 

“Ah, you’ve been waiting for me, haven’t you?” She asked, looking down at the black and white cat that was in no way, shape, or form malnourished. “Well, here’s your food, Oreo.” 

She took a couple steps out but had trouble putting the bowl down because Oreo was rubbing against her legs, and he was so fat that he nearly knocked her over. After setting the bowl down, she stood up and stepped back to go inside. The cat reeled back and hissed, looking up at her with yellow eyes as large as nickels.

“Bug-eyed cat,” the girl snarled before shutting the door. She heard a throaty meow behind her and turned her head to see a gray and white cat peaking around the bar.

"Hey, Terry."

"Mraow!

"Mraow!"

"Mraow!"

"Mraow!"

"Mraow!"

"You sound like a dying chicken!" She then noticed the cat scoot away suddenly because another cat with brown and black striped fur was rubbing against her in an overly friendly way. "I swear you two are lesbians."

She dug her fingers in her brown locks and scratched at the back of her head before heading back to the front door. 

“You comin’ in or stayin’ out?” She raised a dark eyebrow when she saw that her cat had turned his attention from the field next to the house to the sky. “Whatcha lookin’ at?” Her eyes widened when she saw what looked like a funnel cloud forming right over the house. “Hoooooly crap.”

Before she had a chance to react, the clouds formed a large cyclone and touched the ground. All she could think of doing was grabbing her cat and hiding behind one of the large brick posts supporting the roof. After a few seconds the wind died down and the girl decided it was safe to move. She set her cat down before standing up, and when she looked to see the damage her face contorted in irritation.

“There is a _crater_ in my front yard! I am _not_ okay with this!” She watched in confusion as her cat trotted towards the crater, so she followed after him. “Now what?”

She looked inside the crater and saw a large man in dark gray clothes lying on the ground. She was glancing around, wondering why none of her neighbors were coming out of their houses to ask about the noise. Probably because it was still too early for them to wake up. Then the man opened his eyes with a sharp intake of breath and sat up slightly. The girl opened her mouth to speak to him, but he fell back.

“Aw _hell_ naw. You will stay the fuck awake when I’m talkin’ to you,” she said, turning around and pulling a branch off the crappy excuse for a tree. She then bent down and started poking him in the side of the head. “Hey, asshole who just destroyed my front yard, rise and shine!”

The man suddenly got on his feet, growling at who knows what, and stumbled a few steps. The girl inhaled and exhaled deeply through her nose before throwing the twig at his back. 

“Hammer. Hammer!”

“My dad would kill me. Go get your own.”

“Father! Heimdall! I know you can hear me, open the Bifrost!” The man shouted at the sky. She had a feeling his tantrum was gonna last a while. “You. What realm is this? Alfheim? Nornheim?” He asked, walking towards the girl.

“Ugh, too many questions for this early in the morning…” She groaned, holding her head. “Wait, Alfheim…Yggdrasil?” She asked hesitantly.

“Yes! You know of Yggdrasil?”

“Ever since I was a little kid, I've always enjoyed reading mythology and legends. My favorites are Greco-Roman, Norse, and Egyptian. I also took a World Mythology class in college.” The man nodded his head, seemingly impressed. “Um, so lemme see…Midgard?”

“Oh, this is Earth.”

“Yeah.” A sound made the girl turn her attention to the house. She rolled her eyes. “Looks like Princess wants in again. Come on,” she said, beckoning for the man to follow her.

“Thank you for your hospitality.”

“Well I couldn’t have you standing in my front yard lookin’ all sad and mopey. Plus, the neighbors might call the cops and there’s a sheriff like two blocks away because of all the drug dealers.” He looked confused again. “So, just sit on the couch and make yourself comfy, and I’ll get us a couple drinks,” she said, turning the corner and entering the kitchen. “What would you like? We have water, milk, like four kinds of Powerade, soda, cranberry juice—gross.”

“Do you have any mead in this establishment?”

“We got beer.”

A few moments later, the girl entered the living room, handed the man a Shiner, and sat in the red recliner with her Powerade. While taking a swig of beer, the man glanced over and his eyes widened.

“What is that you are drinking? I have never seen a blue beverage before.”

“Powerade, dude. It comes in every color of the rainbow. But we only have red, yellow, blue, and purple.” The man raised his drink to his mouth and was about to take another swig when something landed in his lap, startling him. “Don’t worry about him. He’s only layin’ on you cuz you’re wearin’ dark clothes.”

She stood up and walked over, picking up the cat and setting him on the floor. She wiped off the cat fur left behind on her shirt then held out her hand.

“I’m Melody, by the way.” She raised an eyebrow when he took her hand and placed a kiss on her knuckles.

“Thor.”

“Eeeeeeew, Thor germs,” she said playfully, pulling her hand free and wiping it on her shirt. “So, now I no longer have a stranger on my couch drinking one of my dad’s beers.”

“But we only know each other by name. We are still stra—”

“It’s a failed attempt at a _Forrest Gump_ reference, humor me! And you need new clothes. Double XL sound right?”

“Uh.”

“Let’s just try on a few things.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I am in fact convinced that my cats are lesbians. No regrets. And I have conversations with them, but who doesn't have conversations with their cats? FOREVER ALONE!


	2. Wednesday Part 2

When they entered her dad’s room, Thor’s attention immediately turned to the motorcycle calendar pinned above the bed.

“What is that?”

“A motorcycle? It’s a bicycle on steroids.” Blank stare of doom. “Okay, it gets you from Point A to Point B uber fast and you look badass doing it. You know what? I’ll show you my dad’s. It’s in the garage.”

After leaving the room, they walked past the bathroom and laundry room and Melody opened the garage door and turned on the light. Thor’s eyes focused in on a large maroon Yamaha V-Star.

“Sorry ‘bout the mess. Dad’s bike is the only vehicle we can fit in here.”

“Where are your parents?”

“Why? Thinking of kidnapping me?” Melody asked, turning the light off and closing the door.

“What? No, of course not!”

“Good. Cuz I have a French knife and I know how to use it. And I’m not talkin’ about chopping cucumbers.” She smirked and walked back to her dad’s room, Thor following shortly after. “My dad’s visiting his parents in California for the summer. They’re in their eighties, so he’s trying to spend as much time with them as he can. And just to make sure they don’t do anything stupid like last year.”

“What do you mean?”

“They fell off the roof. They’re okay, though. And my mom’s at work.”

“So, where does your mother work?” Thor asked, his mind still thinking about eighty-year-olds falling off the roof of their house.

“She works at Curves. It’s an exercise place for women. She opens it early in the morning because people like to work out before they go to work.” She furrowed her brow as if mulling over the last part of her explanation, then started going through her dad’s closet. “And my dad’s a school bus driver, but he’s off for the summer.” She turned and held a shirt and pair of jeans up to him. “He drives a short bus for special ed kids, so it has AC.” Thor raised an eyebrow. “Aaaaaaand you have no idea what the fuck I’m talkin’ about.”

Thor jumped slightly when he saw movement on the bed, only to see that it was a small cat. The gray and white feline looked up at him for a short moment before moving her gaze to Melody as if he was uninteresting.

"Mraow!"

"Mraow!"

"Mraow!"

"Mraow!"

"Mraow!"

"Are you having a conversation with your cat?" Thor asked, slightly amused.

"Yeah, so? Don't you have conversations with your cats?"

"I do not have cats."

"Oh right. You have goats. So do you have conversations with your goats?" Thor looked at her strangely. "Baaaaaaa..."

“Anyway. Do you have a job?” Thor asked, clearing his throat.

“I work at a library—wow, you look _really_ good in denim. Here, put these on in the bathroom around the corner while I find a shirt for you.”

After removing his garments, and figuring out how zippers functioned, Thor came back into the room carrying his shirt and trousers bunched in one hand and his boots in the other. He noticed that the cat was no longer in the room. He set his boots on the floor and his other clothes on the bed, then looked around the room at the furniture and any other things he could spot out.

“There is women’s clothing in the closet,” Thor commented.

“Yeah, those are my grandma’s. This used to be her room when she was alive. She got cancer in her lungs, but that’s what you get for smoking. She, my parents and I moved here ten years ago, but she died two weeks later.” She was holding up two shirts and looking from one to the other.

“I’m sorry.”

“And now my parents sleep in separate rooms because they both snore and they drive each other crazy.” She finally turned around. “So I found a couple things…for…you,” Melody stammered, her eyes going straight to his chest. “You, sir, owe me a new pair of ovaries.” Her gaze then moved up to his face. “You are one fuckin’ huge dude.”

“I am unfamiliar with some of your colloquialisms.”

“Then my mission is complete,” she replied with a snigger. “So I’m trying to decide on two colors. You look good in red, I assume. But my dad’s red shirts, for some strange reason, are maroon, which is a no-no.”

“Why is that?”

“Because maroon represents the Aggies, who are the rivals of the Longhorns. You’d probably get run over by a car if you were seen in public. Hmm…how about blue? Because your eyes are _crazy_ blue.”

“You seem to know more about this than I do.”

“Oh this is so much fun! Too bad you have to wear a shirt…Well, you don’t _have_ to. It’s not too offensive in Austin if you walk around shirtless, but I think my boss would have a problem.”

“I am accompanying you to your place of employment?”

“Well it’s not like I can leave you _here_. You might _break_ something. Plus I can’t let my mom see you. She’ll throw a bitch fit.”

“I would not want to cause trouble with your mother.”

“Want breakfast?”

“If it is not too much trouble.”

“I ain’t makin’ it. I was thinkin’ Shipley, and I don’t mean the football player, even though I would like to nibble on him,” Melody said with a dreamy look. “Oh, were you planning on wearing your boots or do you wanna borrow a pair of my dad’s tennis shoes? You know what, just borrow my dad’s. We have to do quite a bit of walking, and it also depends on what Sami makes me do. The bitch.” Melody grabbed the pair of Nike tennis shoes that were next to the dresser and a pair of socks out of the sock drawer before kneeling in front of Thor. 

“Pick up your feet, Cinderella.” After slipping on each sock and shoe, she double knotted the laces and stood up. “I’ll hold onto these for you. Just so my mom doesn’t see a pile of suspicious looking clothes.”

“Thank you.”

“Let me just go change and brush my hair and shit and then we can go. You should probably wash your face or something. You know, since you were lying in a crater. Which just so happens to be in my front yard, thank you very much.”

“I am truly sorry about that.”

Thor was drying the water from his face when he heard a growl from the kitchen.

“Oh my God, Jewels, leave my legs alone! Go annoy Thor.” He chuckled before turning off the light and entering the kitchen. He saw the cat walk around the corner of the bar, and a few seconds later he heard a crunching sound. “He has three food bowls in the house. Fatass.”

“What are you doing?” She was standing at the counter with an open water bottle in one hand and some small objects cupped in the other.

“Taking my meds,” she said before downing the pills and taking a big gulp of water. Her expression turned to one of disgust when she swallowed. “I hate the ones that dissolve in water. So gross.”

“Are you sick?”

“No I’m not sick! Let’s just go. I need a doughnut. Or seven.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I’m plagiarizing my life. 
> 
> Hopefully someone got the Shipley reference. If not, I’m talking about Jordan Shipley. He used to play college football for the Texas Longhorns, but now he plays for the Cincinnati Bengals. He’s such a cutie. His brother…not so much. Sorry, Jaxon. 
> 
> Yeah, if I ever met Chris Hemsworth, I would comment on how huge he is. Seriously, he is one fuckin’ huge dude. 
> 
> So my grandparents live in northern California near Placerville in the middle of the woods. They were on a ladder cleaning pine needles off their roof and the ladder slipped from under them. My grandpa landed on the steps and had to get a third hip replacement, and my grandma landed on him and screwed up her back somehow.


	3. Wednesday Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 1: Okay I lied. I can't drive, because of medical reasons (hence the pills in chapter 2). I just didn't wanna have to write about walking 2 miles to the bus stop because I had to have the doughnut part in there. But since the shop's on the way I'm changing it. Plus, I thought of some funny bus ride stuff.
> 
> EDIT 2: This should be the real REAL chapter. I spent quite a bit of time adding to it and moving some of this to chapter 4 and other shit. DURING MY VACATION. You're welcome.
> 
> EDIT 3: Why are you people reading this crap? This fic got 30 more hits after I posted the newer update of chapter 3 a few days ago. Enlighten me.

After locking the front door, the pair walked around the back of the house and cut across the yard of the house behind.

"Watch out for dog shit."

"Where are we going, exactly?"

"Well, first we're going to Shipley for some breakfast. And then we're going to the 333 bus stop to connect to the 3 bus stop that will drop us off a couple blocks away from the library."

"What is a 'bus'?"

"It's a...public transport thingy...for people who don't have a car or are just too lazy to drive really long distances."

"What is a 'car'?"

Melody looked up at the blonde and narrowed her eyes slightly.

" _That's_ a car and _that's_ a car and _that's_ a car," she replied, pointing at the metallic objects in the driveways on either side of them.

"I see. You Midgardians have such interesting—"

"Shut up," Melody growled, punching him on the arm.

After they had made it to the entrance to the subdivision, they turned right and continued walking along the road towards the strip mall where the doughnut shop was. Melody eventually swapped places with Thor and had him walk closer to the grass because he kept flinching whenever a semi or just a really noisy truck would drive by.

"Thank you," he said sheepishly.

"Oh my God what is _with_ you? You're supposed to be, like, this _macho_ dude or something. You shouldn't be losing your shit over fucking cars!"

"I am sorry."

"Whatever. It is way too early for this."

They passed the Brodie Heights neighborhood, which wasn’t actually visible from the street, then reached the mini strip malls that had been built within the past year.

“Ever had sushi before?”

“No, I do not believe I have.”

“Man, I’m gonna have to take you to this sushi place. It’s _awesome_.”

A few minutes later, after walking past a wide range of dead grass that desperately needed to be mowed, they were surrounded on both sides by apartment complexes (because there weren’t enough of those in Austin already). And not long after that, they reached their destination. They entered the parking lot and were nearly run over a couple times.

“Fucking _hit_ me with your car and I’ll _kick_ your _tires_ , you bastard! See how your _Prius_ would like that! Oh, that’s where my mom works, just in case you’re interested,” Melody added as an afterthought, pointing at the small section of the strip mall that had a sign above the door that said “Curves for Women.”

When they entered the shop, Thor could not believe his eyes. He was amazed at all the different kinds of doughnuts and rolls and other baked goods this small place had. And they all smelled _so fucking good_. 

He noticed movement nearby and turned slightly to see a small group of men standing at a row of tables. They were wearing aprons and hats and their hands were covered in white powder. The same powder was on the tables and one of the men was rolling a large hunk of yellow dough in it.

"Good morning! Do you guys know what you want?" The cashier asked. 

Ah, the brunette with the ponytail and glasses. She was always there.

"Two kolaches with no cheese, a water, a dozen doughnut holes, and...Thor!" Thor had been looking through the glass watching the dough being rolled so he wasn't paying attention. His head snapped up when he heard his name. "What would you like?" The blonde walked over and scanned the shelves for a moment.

"That one," he said, pointing at the bottom right hand corner.

"The God of Thunder would like a cinnamon roll."

"Alright, anything else?"

"Nope, that's it."

"That'll be ten-fourteen."

"Thor, would you get us some napkins? _Some_ ," she emphasized, just in case he grabbed all of them.

They sat at the table closest to the door so Thor could see them making the doughnuts if he wanted to, but he ended up creeping people out. He was about to take a bite out of his cinnamon roll when Melody stopped him.

"First of all, you don't just omnomnom cinnamon rolls. You pull them apart. Second, you eat your kolache first while it's still hot."

"Your Midgardian ways of eating are strange to me."

"It's not that big a deal, calm yo man tits," she said before taking a sip from her water bottle. "So Thor, where's your hammer? And I don't mean the one in your pants."

"Why would I put Mjolnir in my trousers? It would be inconvenient in battle and—"

"Dude, it was a joke. Shut up." She wanted to face palm herself. "So where is it?" Thor set his half-eaten kolache on the table and gazed down at his lap. He looked sad.

"I am uncertain. When I was banished, my father took my powers from me. I am trapped here as a mortal man until...well, I don't know when I can return home."

"Bummer. What'd you do?"

"During the coronation ceremony, for my succession to the throne, a small group of Frost Giants broke into the weapons vault to try and take back their Casket. I was angry because they interrupted the ceremony, so I wasn't crowned King. And when I said the Frost Giants should be punished for breaking their treaty of peace with us, my father wouldn't listen to me.

"My brother, my friends, and I went to Jotunheim to carry out my idea, but it ended badly. Two of my friends were injured, and the Jotun King declared war on Asgard.

"My father and I had an argument when we returned, and then he banished me. I should have listened to my brother when he tried to lead me back. He was in the right."

" _Balder_ went with you? I figured he would avoid something like this."

"No, not Balder. Loki," Thor remarked, almost surprised she would say something so absurd.

"You mean like...dudebros, right? Brothers-in-arms?"

"I am uncertain as to what you are referring to."

"Basically not brothers by blood."

"But he _is_ my brother by blood."

"Yeah, right. Good one." She watched him while chewing on a doughnut hole before it dawned on her. "Holy shit. You're serious."

"Yes!"

"You really don't know?"

"Know what?"

“Shit, we gotta go! Come on, you can take that stuff with you.”

After they downed their kolaches they left the shop and cut across the parking lot to get back to the sidewalk. After passing a Valero, a small daycare, and a CPA office, they crossed the street until they reached a dark metal bench that was positioned between a 7-Eleven and a chain-link fence that surrounded what looked like a school, judging if the gravel track, playscape and “Boone Elementary” sign were anything to go by. Next to the bench was a metal trash can with the Capital Metro logo on it and a tall white pole with a small square sign that said “333 Wm. Cannon.” Thor looked around the small area curiously, reaching into the bag and eating another doughnut hole while doing so.

“Why are there paw prints painted on the ground?” Thor asked, turning around an looking at Melody who was sitting on the bench.

“Cuz the bear is the school’s mascot,” she replied with a shrug.

“‘Mascot’?”

“Schools are represented by a symbol, usually an animal. It’s the same with pro sports teams. Mascots I’ve had are an eagle, colt, bulldog, and riverbat.”

“Riverbat?”

“Don’t ask. Just…don’t,” she said, raising a hand in warning. “There’s the bus. You need to throw that away.” Melody made a face of slight disgust as she watched Thor stuff six doughnut holes into his mouth at once. She didn’t realize how few they had eaten. “Thor, you can hold them in your hand. You don’t have to eat them all at the same—you know what, do what you want. Come on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you haven’t noticed already, I tend to change the subject pretty quickly. And I don’t sugarcoat things. I tell it like it is. Yes, this is how I am in real life. This is not an OC, this is actually me. Okay? Okay.
> 
> Okay, so in case anyone's wondering what a Riverbat is, here you go:
> 
> http://www.austincc.edu/riverbat/
> 
> It's Barney's deranged cousin in a yellow t-shirt with a fugly mohawk and it is absolutely horrendous to look at.


	4. Wednesday Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't posted a new chapter in over 3 months, but after seeing The Avengers (the 1st time) I suddenly became inspired to work on it again. And now you know.
> 
> I've been changing stuff a bit with regards to tags and whatnot and I decided to divide the story into 3 parts. Part 1 will end when Thor goes back to Asgard to fight Loki (like in the movie, but it won't actually be in the story), part 2 will be set before The Avengers (since there's about a year-long time gap), and part 3 will take place in Asgard, preferrably set during Thor 2.
> 
> I still don't know why I'm writing this, but it's just so much fun!

When the bus stopped and the doors opened, the recorded voice said the number and route and went through its usual spiel about asking people not to walk in front of the bus. And then it repeated the entire thing in Spanish. Melody took her Captain America wallet out of her left back pocket and pulled out her bus pass, which is issued to ACC students, and two ones. After swiping her pass, she inserted the two dollars into the machine and waited to receive a day pass for Thor. She was about to hand the card to him when she thought better of it.

“I should probably hold on to this. You might bend it or something.”

She tucked both cards in her wallet and stuffed it in her back pocket before sitting on one of the handicapped benches. She gestured for Thor to join her then adjusted slightly and crossed her right leg over her left.

“So what happens now?”

“Now? Now, we wait until it’s time to get off. It’ll be pretty soon though. The next bus ride is much longer because it goes downtown.”

Thor furrowed his brow as if he was trying to mull over her words. Melody heaved a sigh and got up and walked over to a set of shelves that had what looked like brochures. She grabbed one that said “3/103” at the top before returning to her seat. She opened it to a map that had numbers in black circles and small illustrated icons in various places. She jabbed her index finger near the bottom.

“This is where we’re getting on.” She slid her finger upwards along the bold line and stopped. “This is where we’re getting off.” She then moved it a couple inches to the left and stopped. There was just white space. “And this is where we’re headed.”

“The library?”

“The library—oh, looks like the pigeons are homing.”

“What?”

Melody pointed over Thor’s shoulder at a house that was next to a Texaco that had an empty cage in the back yard.

“The dude has a bunch of homing pigeons. And it appears as if they’ve already begun their work day.”

“Why does he have homing pigeons? Is that common?”

“I dunno. But I do know that that’s a shitload of poop. Oh, and that’s where I went to middle school.”

“‘Middle school’?”

“Grades six through eight. So I would’ve been…eleven to fourteen. The mascot is the colt. And this Walgreens pharmacy is where I get my meds. And over there is the best grocery store chain in the world. Okay, not really, since not every state has it. Fucking northerners. Anyway H-E-B, or ‘The HEEB’ as my grandpa used to call it, is where _real_ Texans buy their shit. My dad shops there. I have to go to Randalls though, cuz it’s within walking distance and cuz I have a Randalls card that I stole from my mom’s wallet.” 

She raised her hands in defense when Thor rounded on her. 

“What? She has one on her keychain! Oh, and they have awesome sushi at H-E-B. You can actually stand there and watch while they’re making it while Randalls just leaves it out there in the containers. And they have sushi rolls with fucking Cheetos crumbled on top. How badass is that?”

Melody let out a huff when Thor looked at her blankly.

“You’re even more boring than my cats. Oh, and this is Taco Hell. Never eat here,” she said pointing at the Taco Bell across from them. “I saw that trash can on fire when I first moved here. That was pretty cool.”

"What were you talking about back there? At the doughnut place. Please explain—"

“Oh and this place here? Best Chinese food you will ever have in. your. life,” Melody said, pointing at a building that had a Texaco on the left and a restaurant called China Hill on the right.

"Please be honest with me. Do you know something about my brother?"

"You mean your not-brother?"

"What do you know about Loki?"

"Quite a bit, actually. He's the god of mischief and chaos and other crazy shit. He's got like six kids or something. I think six. He kinda sorta starts Armageddon by kinda sorta killing Balder with a little mistletoe arrow thingy."

"You mean 'Ragnarok.'"

"Shh! Don't interrupt, it's rude. Gosh, don't they teach you manners? And I know what it's called! 'Armageddon' is just another word that means 'the end of the world.' There's even a movie about it."

"Oh. Yes, of course. My apologies."

"Okay, and then there's the whole thing where he's bound in a cave by the entrails of one of his kids and a snake drools on him. Um, he and Heimdall kill each other. What else...well, his parents are Frost Giants—"

"That's a lie. His parents are Odin and Frigga, the same as me."

"Oh, so every piece of literature and everything on the Internet about his heritage is _wrong?_ " Her gray eyes narrowed and scrutinized him for a few seconds before turning forward to stare out the opposite window. "Why don't you just ask him when you go home?"

" _If_ I go home. I don't know if I ever will."

"Oh don't be such a drama queen. Your dad'll cool his jets, give you your powers back, and he'll let you go home. Everybody wins!"

"If only things were that simple."

“Hey pull that cord, would ya?”

“What happens if I do?”

“You’ll win a million dollars,” Melody deadpanned as she folded the bus schedule and uncrossed her legs. “Just do it.”

Thor reached up and tugged on the yellow rubber cord that was hanging in front of the window. He looked up when he heard two dinging sounds and a voice over the speaker system announce that someone has requested to be let off at the next stop. When the bus pulled to a full stop and the two sets of doors opened, Melody stood up and walked towards the front, returning the bus schedule to where she found it. Thor followed as closely behind her as he could without stepping on her, considering he was nearly twice her size.

They sat on another bench that was built in a circular shape. The same trash can was there, but this time the sign said “3 Burnet/Manchaca.” There were restaurants on every side of them, creating a mixed aroma of pizza, burgers and fries, Tex-Mex, Chinese food, and some good ‘ol fried chicken, mashed potatoes and corn.

Melody took her phone out of her right back pocket and looked at it for a few seconds before putting it back. She let out a noisy yawn and blinked blearily then scratched at the side of her nose.

“You get enough to eat?” She asked, but she didn’t sound very enthusiastic about it.

“Yes.”

“Good cinnamon roll?”

“Yes. Very good.”

“Good. Cuz we’re not eating for another few hours.”

Thor merely nodded and stared forward as he watched the cars drive by. He noticed that a lot of people had those devices held to their ears or they were looking down at them, which seemed to impair their driving a bit. He was jarred slightly when Melody smacked him on the arm.

“Time to go. I need this back after you’ve scanned it,” she said, holding the bus pass out to him.

Thor took the card and held it gently between his fingers so as not to bend it like she said he would. When the bus pulled to a stop in front of them, they waited for a few passengers to exit, then got on. Melody scanned her card, then showed Thor how to do his. Thor gave the card back to her afterwards and the pair turned to look for a place to sit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda want food now.


	5. Wednesday Part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, just truckin' along here.
> 
> Just a note that there are a few comments I make that people may find offensive, but like I said, I don't know why you people are reading this.

“Damn it, there are criiiiiiaahhh…damn it! Come on, let’s go to the back.” They walked past the two people in the wheelchairs and the second set of doors up the stairs. “Ah, so we’ve got one of these buses.”

“Hmm?”

“They’re like charter buses. With arm rests and seat belts and cushiony seats. All that’s missing are the TVs and the bathroom."

“I see.”

“Oh watch your—” Melody began as she sat down by the window and turned to Thor, “…head.” The blonde was clutching the top of his head with his large hands and his face was contorted in slight pain. He turned to look at her and saw that she was typing something on her phone. “I am so Tweeting this.”

“You’re what?”

“‘On the bus with the God of Thunder…he hit his head on the ceiling…this will not end well.’ ‘Also I hate crippled people cuz they take up like HALF the bus. I regret nothing.’”

She closed her phone and looked at Thor with a smile. He raised an eyebrow at her and blinked once. He opened his mouth to say something when the Pokemon theme started playing from Melody’s lap. She held her index finger up and flipped open her phone.

“Yeah?”

_"Hey Mel."_

“Mom.”

_"I see you’re starting off on a good note. As usual."_

“I thought you were at work.”

_"I am."_

“Exactly. So shouldn’t you be doing your job overseeing the exercise music playlist and making sure that none of the fat ladies have a stroke?”

_"So who was that guy you were with?"_

“Just some dude I met on my way to Shipley. We added each other on Facebook and we’re getting married on Saturday and you’re not invited to the wedding.”

_"And does this dude have a na—?"_

“Hey! No touchie!” Melody swatted Thor’s hand away when she felt a slight tug on her cell phone key chains. “Shit Thor, can’t you see I’m busy here? Quit fuckin’ around!”

_"‘Thor'? Is that his real name or a nickname?"_

“It’s as real as you and me.”

_"What kind of parent would name their kid 'Thor'?"_

“Haha. Um. I’ll ask him for you—Jesus Mary Joseph Christ! I swear to God, I’m gonna tear your balls off through your Levis. Now cut that out!”

_"What is he doing?"_

“He keeps pulling on my phone key chains.”

_"Switch ears."_

“But it’s so uncomfortable. Sometimes being a lefty can be such a curse. Also don’t tell me what to do.”

_"Aww poor baby."_

“Shut up. And get back to work, you slacker.”

_"See you tonight."_

“Yeah okay.”

After she hung up, Melody wrapped her fingers around her phone and set her hand in her lap. She heaved a sigh and stared forward at the back of the seat in front of her, blinking slowly. A few seconds later she held the phone out to Thor.

“Don’t drop it or I’ll kill you.”

Her explanation of each keychain took a few minutes. The Maneki Neko charm was longer, because she had to give an abridged version of the history of the Good Luck Cat, then told Thor that she bought the key chain at Epcot in the Japan area. She told him the gift shop also had a dog, a rabbit, a duck and a frog, but she bought the cat because she likes cats.

She also had a China and a Russia key chain from the Axis Powers Hetalia anime that she bought from a convention. RoChu is her favorite pairing, followed by DenNor, but they didn‘t have any key chains of the Nordic countries. And because she’s a total history nut, it upsets her that the show uses the Russian Federation’s flag when it was still the Soviet Union during World War II, but she can’t do anything about it.

When she finished explaining the story behind each charm, Thor nodded with a smile on his face. She then had to hold back from strangling the guy in front of her because Thor clearly didn’t understand anything she had just said.

“People are not countries, Thor!”

“But you just said…”

“It’s a TV show! It’s not real!” Melody shouted, throwing up her hands. “What?” She snapped when the guy in front turned around and looked at her. The brunette exhaled heavily and scratched at her head before looking out the window to see where they were. “That’s where I go to school sometimes.”

“Mm?”

“My school has like ten different campuses spread out around Austin and other nearby cities. This is one of the campuses I go to. South Austin. The other ones are Pinnacle, which is on the 333 route, Rio Grande, which is about a mile away from the library, and Northridge, which is _way_ uber far from where I live. But that’s where all the music classes are so it can’t be helped.”

A few minutes later the voice said the bus was approaching Manchaca at Redd, which transferred to the 5 bus route. Melody muttered under her breath that it was pronounced “MAN-chack” not “man-CHAW-kuh.” She then pointed out the left side of the bus at a triangle-shaped building with a steeple on top.

“That’s the original St. Johns Presbyterian Church. The new location is where I go to church. St. Johns is a little over fifty years old.” After they passed it, her lip curled up in disgust and she pointed at a white building with maroon edges on the roof. “That’s Dan’s Hamburgers. That place is _evil_. I sat in there for _twenty minutes_ and no one came over to ask if I wanted anything. And the first time I ate there the waitress was a total bitch. The pancakes were utter crap too.”

“What are pancakes?”

“You are not leaving Earth until you’ve eaten pancakes and sushi. Not at the same time though, cuz that’s just fuckin’ disgusting.”

The bus made a right turn from Manchaca onto South Lamar and Melody pointed out different restaurants that were good, bars that she’d never been to because her parents don't let her do anything fun, the Alamo Draft House that she still wanted to go to but hadn’t yet because she has no friends to go with, the Peter Pan Mini-Golf that has been there since before she was born and went on a tangent about how they repainted the T-Rex statue a different color even though it was unnecessary.

When the bus drove past the Zachary Scott Theater she told Thor about the last musical that she had seen there with her mom and that they left during the Intermission because the actors started having sex on stage. So they went and got burgers from the P. Terry’s down the road. Seems legit. 

As they were passing Lady Bird Lake, Melody grumbled something about how she hated the people who were jogging along the bike trail because they don’t have jobs and have the free time to do so. Damn rich people. When the bus turned onto Brazos, she sat up straight and looked down at her phone.

“We’re almost there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boring chapter is boring yay. Everything in this chapter is true. I have hit my head more than once. It was very painful. And they weren't literally having sex on stage; it was acting, but still creepy as fuck. And then we ate burgers.


	6. Wednesday Part 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it's been a really long time since I last updated. I don't even live in Austin anymore! I moved to Indiana a year ago! And you know what? It snows here! Yeah, weird huh? Also two of my three cats from the first couple chapters died, so that's how long it's been. But I just felt like updating for shits and giggles. And because I was getting kinda tired of posting drama and angst all the time.

After reaching downtown Austin, Thor leaned forward so he could look at all the buildings they were passing. He was oblivious to how close his face was to his companion’s chest, but she didn’t seem bothered. He was far too enraptured by the outside world. 

There were automobiles of different colors, shapes, and sizes, and there were buses driving everywhere in every which direction. People were all over the place either walking, sprinting, or just standing still on the sidewalks. A lot of them had a cup in their hands and either had a phone held up to their ear, a Bluetooth, or they were looking down and tapping on the screen or keyboard. There were even some running or riding bikes either shirtless or wearing sports bras, in women’s cases, listening to music.

“You are such a tourist.” Thor turned and smiled at her sheepishly, sitting up abruptly when he finally realized their proximity.

“Now approaching Brazos at Sixth,” the recorded voice said.

“Oh that place right there? The Driskill. I wanna have my wedding reception there, if I ever get married. Actually, I just wanna spend one night there. But I’m poor and could never afford it. It’s cool though because the place is super old and supposedly it’s haunted. Bad. Ass,” she explained, pointing out the left-side window at the building on the corner that said “The Driskill” above the doors. “And then 6th Street is a really famous hot spot for locals and tourists. It’s where all the shops, bars, live music and stuff are. Never come here on weekends though because you won’t be able to get in anywhere. Everything’s full.”

The bus would continue to stop at either traffic lights or to allow people to enter or exit. Melody was silent for a few minutes, slumped back against the cushion and staring out the window. It looked like she had fallen asleep but then she sat up again when the bus drove past a large white building. It was surrounded by a chain-link fence covered in a green tarp, and there was scaffolding attached to a few sections of the building, but no movement.

“That’s the Governor’s Mansion. Someone set it on fire a few years ago and they started doing repairs to it but had to stop because they ran out of money. So it’s just been sitting there. I dunno if they’ll ever finish fixing it.”

When the bus made a right turn, Melody pressed on a yellow stripe next to the window by her head. The speaker system announced that a stop had been requested, but the bus continued at its current speed.

“That’s the courthouse. Super old. Smells funny, too. Then again, old things usually do,” she said pointing to the left. “Come on, this is our stop.”

The bus pulled to a stop in front of the Methodist Church, which looked more like a government building because of the cylindrical pillars and gold domed roof. After waving a thank-you to the driver, they stepped off and maneuvered through a pair of shrubs. 

“So where do we go now?” Thor asked as he watched the bus drive away. Within a few seconds, the 1L bus pulled up in the same spot and let some people off before also driving away.

“We gotta head back towards the courthouse, then walk a few blocks from there. Come on.” After crossing the street to get from 12th Street to 11th, they took a right and were on Guadalupe Boulevard. “That behind us is the UT Tower. UT is, like, the largest public university in Texas or something. Everybody wants to go there, it’s ridiculous. Not me though, too big. And expensive.”

Thor glanced over his shoulder to see what she was talking about and saw an off-white bell tower that was smaller at the top. A large gold clock face was situated in the center of the higher section. 

“Years ago some guy was up in the tower and shot a bunch of people. It was a reeeaaaaally big deal. There are still news stories, about it. People have even written books.” 

As they crossed the street to 10th Street, Thor looked to his right and saw what appeared to be a park. At the bottom of some grassy hills was a white structure, similar to a gazebo, but there wasn't a roof and it looked like a stage. There were several people in sleeping bags curled up in the grass or on the platform. Thor wondered if that was where they always slept; if he had asked her, Melody would have told him yes.

When they finally reached the library, Thor saw a white building that was four stories tall with large darkened windows. It looked more like a parking garage than a library. There was a peculiar piece of abstract artwork made out of what looked like copper, or some kind of rusted metal, and next to it was a sign that said “John Henry Faulk Library.”

“The actual library doesn’t open until nine so we have to go around back.”

“Who are those people? Sitting against the walls and on the benches.”

“Oh, those are the homeless guys that always hang out around here. What, you don’t have homeless people in Assguard?”

“Asgard.”

“I know, I’m just fucking with you.”

“Of course we have homeless people,” Thor said, slightly affronted. “A couple of them have dogs…”

“Yeah. They’re for companionship or protection. Being a homeless person can be dangerous. That’s how Leslie died.”

“‘Leslie?’”

“He was Austin’s most famous homeless person. He wore women’s clothing and a thong, and carried a purse and he ran for mayor a few times. He didn’t win, obviously, but come on. How many cities can say that they’ve had a homeless guy run for mayor? Twice.

“Anyway, he got in a fight over drugs and hurt his head really badly and he died a few hours later. We made that day a national holiday after him and we’ve dedicated a monument to him at Auditorium Shores.”

“We do not have anyone like that in Asgard.”

“Pft, of course not. It’s not like your slogan is ‘Keep Asgard Weird’.”

She pulled her wallet our of her pocket, then took out her employee badge, ran it through the scanner that was attached to the wall, and opened the door. They walked past the security office then up a few steps and went through another door. It opened to the main library, which was dark, empty of people, quiet.

“Loki would love to have a job in a library of this size,” Thor muttered. “Although he probably would not be getting much work done.”

“Well, the library itself is on the first two floors. I work on the fourth floor. It’s nothing to get excited about.” They entered the elevator, Melody pressed her personal code and the fourth floor button, and then they waited until they arrived.

“So what exactly is your job?” Thor asked as he followed her down a hallway through a pair of double doors.

“Whatever my bosses tell me to do.”

“You have more than one?”

“I have three, but kind of five. Stephanie’s in charge of the people who work in cubicles, Vicki’s in charge of security, and Sami’s in charge of Administration. And then I work at Mary’s desk whenever she’s on vacation, the bitch. And Brenda is the boss lady of the whole place.”

“It sounds like you have a lot of responsibilities.”

“Yeah, but really I just work slowly so they don't give me lots of stuff to do. But don't tell anyone I said that.” She said the last part in a whisper and Thor nodded. Melody suddenly stopped walking and Thor nearly bumped into her. “Aaaaahh shiiiiiit!”

“What is it?”

“Today's Wednesday!”

“Is that bad?”

“ _Yeah_ it's bad! Staff meetings are on Wednesdays, meaning Sami transfers _her_ phone line to _my_ phone, meaning _I_ have to answer all of _her_ phone calls, meaning I'm gonna be answering a _shitload_ of phone calls!” Thor opened his mouth but didn't know how to respond to that. Melody kicked the wall and growled. “BALLS! OW!”


	7. Wednesday Part 7

Melody and Thor walked through a pair of double doors leading to the administrative offices. Well, to be more accurate, Thor walked. Melody sort of limped the whole way because her foot still hurt. There were several people already working at their cubicles. They went past all the desks, to an area with three offices and another large wooden desk against the wall. Melody set her water bottle down, and as she pulled out her chair, she looked over her shoulder and saw Thor just standing there. She walked into the break room, just across the hall, and came back with another chair.

“Sit down.” Although with her Southern accent, it came out more like “siddown.” She took a seat in the rolling chair, picked up the phone, then pressed a few buttons. “Thank you for calling the Austin Public Library, downtown branch. Today is Wednesday, July third. We are unable to come to the phone, but if you would leave your name, number, and a brief message, we will return your call as soon as possible. Thanks, and have a great day.” She pressed another button, then hung up the phone. She shook her head and let out a sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Thor asked.

“I dunno why they make me record that stupid voicemail, because I have to take the cordless phone with me whenever I leave my desk. Even to the bathroom! Can you believe that shit?”

Just as she said that, one of the office doors opened and a Hispanic woman came out of the room. She smiled when she saw Melody sitting at the desk, but she seemed to not have noticed Thor’s presence yet.

“Oh good, Melody! You’re here!” She exclaimed in a voice that was a little too perky.

“Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, Ma’am,” Melody deadpanned.

"Would you mind starting the coffee for our staff meeting?” Then she turned to the left when she noticed Thor. “Oh. Who’s your friend?” She asked with a slightly breathless tone to her voice.

“Thor. He’s a foreign exchange student from… Australia.” She improvised on the spot.

“‘Thor’? You mean like from mythology?”

“They have Pagans in Australia, apparently.”

“Oh…” She messed with her dark hair to try and make it look fuller. To Melody, she looked like someone had rubbed a balloon on the top of her head. “Well, Thor. Welcome to Texas.” Thor smiled at her, then turned his attention back to his host. “Don’t forget to make the coffee.”

“On it.” The woman walked around the front of Melody’s desk, her eyes on Thor the entire time. She then opened another door and entered the conference room. Melody thought she looked like Gloria Swanson in _Sunset Boulevard_. When the door closed behind her, Melody held up both hands with the middle finger extended. “Yeah. Make the one person who hates coffee and knows absolutely nothing about making it make the coffee. Brilliant! Why didn’t _I_ think of that?!”

“Who was that?”

“Sami.” Melody stretched her arms above her head until her shoulders popped. “I think I threw up in my mouth. She seems to have momentarily forgotten that she’s married with kids.”

“In what way?” Melody turned and looked at him with wide eyes.

Are you kiddin’ me? Did you not see the sultry porn star eyes she was givin’ you?”

I didn’t notice. I was looking at… something else.”

“Well, I hope that _somethin’ else_ wasn’t the back of my head.” He was looking down at his lap, so he didn’t see her roll her eyes at him. “I’d advise against it. You’d get real bored real quick. Now, let me start the stupid coffee.”

She got up from the chair and walked into the break room. She grabbed the coffee pot and filled it with tap water, then poured it into the back of the coffee maker. She then opened all the cabinet doors, because she could never seem to remember where the coffee grounds and filters were. She also had this feeling that whenever other people made coffee, they never put things back in the same place. She was just about to scoop out the grounds when the phone rang.

“Er mah gerd!” Thor watched as Melody stomped out of the break room and stopped in front of her desk. She breathed in and out deeply, then smiled somewhat unpleasantly before picking up the phone. “Austin Public Library, downtown branch. This is Melody. How may I help you?” Her smile morphed into a sturgeon face and she glared at the phone as if it had insulted her ancestors.

“ _Again,_ Curtis?! Do I need to staple a _frickin’_ piece of paper to your _frickin’_ forehead that says ‘Don’t leave your _frickin’_ badge in your _frickin’_ desk’?! Or maybe Val should do it, cuz I’m sure he’s getting’ sick and tired of havin’ to let you in all the time.” She waited for a second. “‘It won’t happen again,’” she said in a high-pitched voice. She paused again, and then rolled her eyes in an overly-dramatic fashion. “Oh my God, Curtis. Yes, I love black and white movies. Yes, Humphrey Bogart gives me a lady boner. But you don’t have to quote ‘Sierra Madre’ _every single time!_ ”

Thor watched Melody’s face in amusement as her expression seemed to change every two seconds.

“Are we done? Cuz you’re still outside and it’s supposed to rain.” Another pause. “Of course I’m being sarcastic. The last time it rained in July, Spain still owned us.” More sarcasm. “Bye, Curtis.” She practically slammed the phone down on the receiver.

“Who was that?” Thor asked.

“Haven’t the foggiest.”

“But you just—”

“SHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” She waved her hand in his face and held it there. She then picked up the phone again, pressed a couple buttons, then waited. “Hey, Val. Could you please let Curtis in? Yes, again.” She waited a second. “Thanks, Val. You’re the best.” She hung up. “Now, back to what I was doing.”

Thor leaned back in his chair and waited for Melody to come back. A couple minutes later, she came out of the break room and stood next to her desk. She kept looking between her chair and the one Thor was currently occupying.

“Get up for a sec.” Thor stood up and watched her as she swapped their chairs. “You can sit down now.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Cuz my chair spins and yours doesn’t. You can keep yourself entertained for at least an hour.”

“Oh.” Experimentally, Thor moved his feet and turned the chair to the right. He kept going until he was facing forward again. And then he did so again. He spun the chair around three more times, speeding up slightly each time, and then he stopped because his vision was beginning to swim. When his mind cleared, he looked to see if Melody was watching him. She had her back to him and was talking with someone on the phone. He hadn’t even heard it ring. A moment later, she hung up. “Where is Australia?” Thor blurted out. Melody turned around and looked at him.

“Australia is… way the fuck east. They’re like a day ahead of us, almost. It’s kinda close to China but not really. If that makes any sense.” She appeared to only have confused him even more, which was something she seemed to be really good at. “Look, all you gotta say is ‘G’day, mate!’ and ‘Crikey! Ain’t she a beaut?’ and ‘A dingo ate my baby!’ and ‘Sheila!’” Thor stared at her with a somewhat dumbfounded expression. “Just not all at once, cuz that wouldn’t make no sense.” Thor merely nodded and they left it at that.

Melody turned back around, and for a few minutes he just sat there watching her. Every so often she would look down at her fingernails and pick dirt out, or she’d flick a pencil across her desk and it would roll back. Thor rocked back and forth in the chair a couple times, and then he started spinning again. 

About three hours later, the door to the conference room opened. Several people wearing suits and skirts walked out, and Sami was the last one. She looked over at Thor again, but when she saw that he was spinning around in the chair, the enchantment she seemed to be under lifted. She then turned and looked at Melody.

“I’ll disconnect our phones. Would you mind cleaning and straightening up in there?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Melody said with a mock salute. “Come on, Thor. We’ve got a job to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whenever I'm pissed off, I seem to forget the existence of the letter 'g'...
> 
> If you don't know what a sturgeon face is, just Google it. _Supernatural_ fans should already know.
> 
> And the movies I reference are the 1950 film _Sunset Boulevard_ (Alright, Mr. DeMille...I'm ready for my close-up) and the1948 film _The Treasure of the Sierra Madre_ , and one of the most famous lines is "Badges? We ain't got no badges! We don't need no stinking badges!"
> 
> Also, I'm sure not everyone from Australia talks like that, but there are plenty of stereotypes about Texas, too! Like how we say "Howdy" all the time (which I do), or "Y'all" (which I do), or "Bless your little heart" (which I do as a joke), or how we all have cowboy boots (which I do, but I only wore them once because they shed on the inside), or how we're obsessed with football (which we are), or how we consider barbeque, sweet tea and beer to be food groups (which I don't, but I can see how it makes sense), or how we all ride our horses everywhere (which I don't).


End file.
